


Tag, you're it.

by Nameha



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Battle marriage, Comedy, Fluff, Humor, M/M, One Shot, Team Tobirama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 09:24:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19248349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nameha/pseuds/Nameha
Summary: No one thought Kagami could do it. But then Madara accidently helps Kagami catch Tobirama in a battle marriage, the reactions are understandably mixed.





	Tag, you're it.

**Author's Note:**

> Tbh this is one of my favorite pairings, I just had to write something right quick for'em!
> 
> I just love the concept of the battle marriage after reading "bind me tight" by pandaflower.

"He's at it again." Izuna stated dryly, looking out the great window of Madara's office.

Madara hummed in response, tuning out Izuna. Too engrossed in his work to properly pay attention to his little brother. Don't get him wrong, he liked being kept up to date on the goings on of the village, drama and all, he chalked it up to his proclivity for knowledge left over from the warring era. Though he would never admit it, he just liked the gossip as much as Izuna.

"Aniki, are you listening to me?"

Izuna prattled on, Madara adored his brother but he wished he would shut up for five fucking minutes so he could work on revising Hashirama's latest budget report. For a 'god of of shinobi' Hashirama was fucking awful at math, how could he manage to level battle fields and strategize when he could barely do simple addition. 

Though Madara could see how those were not mutually inclusive, it irked him. He was thankful at least one of the damnable Senju brothers was literate. Speaking of damnable Senju, where the hell was that bleached bastard, he hadn't come in the office today and now Madara had to do twice as much revising.

Madara felt his eye twitch as he corrected yet another of Hashirama's mistakes. Hashirama was lucky he was as charismatic as he was. Otherwise he would just be another dumbass, who happened to be able grow entire forests with a flick of his wrist, not an esteemed leader of a powerful shinobi village.

As if the mere thought of Hashirama could conjure him, he appeared. No doubt skipping work when Tobirama wasn't there to force him back in his office.

"Madara! Izuna! Oh, what are you looking at?"  
"He's at it again."  
"Who?"  
"That brat, Kagami."

Hashirama came to the window beside Izuna, pressing his hands and face to the glass. Now Madara would have to get that window cleaned, again, for the third time this week.

"How cute! I can't believe they've been playing tag for the last couple weeks."  
"There's nothing cute about it. You don't even know what they're doing, do you?"  
"Believe it or not I know how to play tag."  
"They're not playing tag."

Hashirama waved him off.

"My baby brother is cute and it's obvious what's going on!"

Madara groaned, throwing the paper down. There were many adjectives Madara would use to describe Tobirama and cute sure as hell wasn't one of them.

He couldn't concentrate with the two bafoons in his presence, couldn't they go be stupid somewhere else? Did Hashirama want this report done or not! 

Although curiousity got the better of him, he looked up.

"Whose doing what."  
"Come see for yourself, Aniki, I doubt you'd like it, though." Izuna smirked.

Madara rose, scoffing as he did so. He flinted over to the window. 

"Move, idiot." Madara shoved Hashirama out of the way with his shoulder.

"So mean." Hashirama pouted.

Madara peered outside, wondering what all the fuss was about. He scrunched up his face in a scowl, a muscle in his jaw jumped.

Kagami was chasing Tobirama across the field. The sensor was just keeping out of reach of the younger Uchiha, close enough for kagami to occasionally brush his fingertips against Tobirama's armor, though far enough to be safe from capture.

"Childish. If that damn Senju has enough time to play games, he should working." Madara huffed.

Then Madara noticed the red, silk, rope kagami welded, tied securely to one wrist and the rest in a lasso in his other hand.

Madara took in a deep breath and screeched. Hashirama drew back, startled and Izuna roared with laughter.

"Madara, what the hell!"  
"Told you, you wouldn't like it, Aniki."

Madara threw open the window and leap out, chakra a whirlwind of fury.

The bright explosion of chakra caught Tobirama off guard, faltering in his step as he reared back, squinting.

Kagami took his chance, activating his sharingan and lunging at his sensei. Catching Tobirama's arm in the loop of the lasso and pulling, drawing the sensor up close. Tying their arms together.

"I finally caught you!" Kagami beamed, unaware of impending doom, in the form of one Madara Uchiha.

"Mhm, seems so." Tobirama let a sly smile come to his lips.

"BRAT!! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!" Madara bellowed, face turning an impressive shade of purple, the ground beneath him cracked under the impact of his landing. He stomped over, eyes blazing.

Hashirama and izuna landed behind Madara, Hashirama clapping for Kagami's win.

Kagami jumped, yelping at Madara's voice, turning away from his prize, the rope keeping them close.

"Oh...Hey." Kagami sheepishly took a step back, just behind Tobirama's arm.

"You! You! Insolent brat! Untie yourself this fucking instant or you will lose that arm!" Madara screeched.

"Aren't you overacting a little for a game?" Hashirama cocked his head.

"Shut up! you stupid tree!!" Madara snapped.

Hashirama visibily deflated, crouching down to make circles in the dirt. Depressed.

Madara whipped back to Kagami and Tobirama, mangekyo sharingan spinning.

Tobirama folded his arms and raised one eyebrow, intent on standing his ground.

"I know you are lacking in manners, Uchiha. But do not speak to my husband that way."

Kagami preened, standing straighter.

Madara let out a string of unintelligible curses, death threats mostly if Tobirama surmised correctly.

Madara was puffed up sputtering and hissing like a pissed off cat. Though Hashirama would never voice this parallel, as it would only earn him a katon to the face.

Hashirama bolted up right, mouth agape. Izuna rolled his eyes, for all Hashirama's intensity for understanding his clan, there was a distinct cultural clash.

"What's going on!?" Hashirama flailed.

"It's called battle marriage, it's an Uchiha thing. See that rope? Kagami caught your brother so now, technically, he's Kagami's bride." Izuna looked less then enthusiastic.

"Congratulations! Tobi! Kagami!" Hashirama started to blubber, happy that his baby brother found someone.

Madara screeched again.

"Thank you, Anija. Now, if you'll excuse us." Tobirama scooped Kagami up bridle style.

"We have martial affairs to attend to. The official invitations should be expected."

Kagami blushed, looping his arms over Tobirama, grinning from ear to ear.

"Don't. You. Dare." Madara hissed, advancing towards them.

Tobirama smirked, disappearing along with Kagami with the flash of the hiraishin.

Madara was shaking, holding his breath in rage. His face blue from lack of oxygen.

"Sage above, Madara, please breath!" Hashirama worriedly implored his best friend, stepping in front of him and wringing his hands.

Madara took a deep breath in, face returning to a shade in the normal range. Hashirama gave a relived smile.

"See? Isn't that better?"

And then Madara unleashed a thunderous shriek, rattling the windows of near by buildings and causing Hashirama and Izuna to wince and cover their ears.

Hashirama briefly wondered if they could hear it all the way in lightening country, no doubt they could.  
\---  
Earlier that day, Kagami stood with his team.

"Today's the day!" He announced, proudly.

"... For?" Homura asked, he sat in the grass next to Koharu. Danzo, Hiruzen and Torifu not far away.

"Today's the day I'm going to catch Sensei and make him mine!"

The group let out a groan in unison.

"Kagami, you've been at this for, what, a couple weeks? Isn't it time to stop?" Koharu asked, gently.

"Yeah, Sensei is the fastest shinobi alive. You're not going to catch him. Even though you've mastered teleportation." Torifu added through mouth fulls of chips.

Danzo grunted in agreement.

Kagami scowled, folding his arms and pouting.

"I'm never going to give up, this is my dream!"

"Right on! Never go back on your word!" Hiruzen whooped. He was punched in the shoulder by Danzo for entertaining such a stupid idea.

"It's a pipe dream. Sensei would never allow himself to be caught by anyone. Let alone you, of all people." Danzo sniffed arrogantly.

"You're all going to feel really dumb, tomorrow, when Sensei and I don't show up for training. That's how you'll know I succeeded." Kagami put his hands on his hips, pointing at his team mates.

"Now!" Kagami beamed.

"I've got a husband to catch!" With a wink, Kagami used his teleportation technique to blink out of existence.

"He shouldn't get his hopes up. He's going to be depressed later, just like yesterday." Homura rolled his eyes.

"He's Uchiha, of course he would set himself on something so foolish." Danzo sneered.

"I believe in him! Kagami is totally gonna win this!" Hiruzen pumped his fist.  
\---  
"That absolute crazy bastard, he really did it." Hiruzen uttered, dumbfounded, as the afternoon slowly trickled away. True to his word, Kagami and Tobirama hadn't shown up for mandatory morning training.

For all Hiruzen's encouragement, he didn't think Kagami had a snowballs chance in hell.

Koharu and Homura traded looks of bewilderment, Homura putting a hand to his head and slowly slumping into a crouch.

"I-I really didn't think he would do it!"  
"I'm just as shocked. But he was right I do feel dumb now."

Torifu crammed another steam bun into his maw as he took in the bombshell. If he had his mouth full, he wouldn't have to comment.

Danzo stood ramrod straight, fists clenched and eyes staring off into the distance, unblinkingly. He couldn't believe it, Kagami, an Uchiha had really roped, quite literally roped, his beloved Sensei into marriage. His eye twitched.

"They're probably fucking, like, right now, as we speak. As we sit here, at this exact moment, they're probably fucking." Hiruzen looked up, wide eyed.

"You think Sensei is hung?"

"Hiruzen!!" Koharu shouted.

"Dude! What the fuck! Shut up! I don't want to picture that!" Homura made a disgusted retching sound from the back of his throat.

Torifu choked on his food, hacking and coughing.

"Too late." Torfu rasped, between gasps.

It was Danzo's turn to scream.  
\---  
The same day Hashirama recieved two letters of concern from his allies. One from the Mizukage:

'Hokage, I hope this message finds you well. This letter is a diplomatic extension for aid, if you so wish. There was a troubling sound on the wind yesterday, it sounded as though konohagakure was in need of assistance. Kirigakure will gladly supply shinobi at your disposal, as per our treaty.  
Yours, The Mizukage.'

And another from the Raikage:

'Hokage of Konohagakure, ya'll good? If not, we extend our hand in aid, if you need it. We heard a shrieking demon that sounded suspiciously like one Madara Uchiha. If there isn't trouble, please, tell him to shut the fuck up.  
Respectfully, The Raikage.'

Hashirama sighed, pulling out a scroll to pen his response:

'Thank you for your concern. Konohagakure is under no attack and stands strong. Madara was reacting to news of a engagement between my brother, Tobirama Senju, and one of his clansmen, Kagami Uchiha. Formal wedding invitations are enclosed though an official date has not been set. We hope to see you in attendance.

With care, The Hokage.'

Hashirama wanted to sign it 'With Love.' but Madara started yelling at him about his image and how everyone would realize the Hokage was a dumbass on their own. They didn't need any help to see that.  
\---  
Tobirama was sprawled on their bed, toying with Kagami's hair. Kagami laid limp against his chest, sweat plastering their skin together, he curled closer to Tobirama. Content to bask in the after glow.

"You didn't need to let me catch you. I would have done it, eventually."

Tobirama chuckled, the rumble in his chest like far off thunder.

"I didn't foresee Madara interrupting us, you saw an opportunity and acted upon it, Kagami."  
"So we include him in the wedding speech?"  
"I'm unaware of Uchiha tradition. But I would rather not have the venue go up in flames."

Kagami laughed, Tobirama had a point, Madara would burn the reception to cinders. Probably the entirety of Konoha while he was at it, depending on how angry it made him.

"Good idea, Madara would torch everything and everyone." Kagami put his arms under his head, leveling Tobirama with half lidded eyes.

"I foresaw it, though, in that moment. I saw us tangled up, just like this." Sharingan glowing under his lashes, Tobirama cupped his cheek, angling his head up, pressing their lips together softly.

"Mhm, what else do those eyes see?" Their faces were centimeters apart as he pulled away. Gracious reds meeting in the low light.

"A couple more hours...tangled up." Kagami gave him a mischievous grin, crashing their lips together once more. Tobirama pulled him up close, smiling into the kiss, one hand carding through inky curls.


End file.
